when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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