So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
