dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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