Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
