My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
