Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
