hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the condom got lost in my hair
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
