me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
