ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My vagina just recognized that song.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
