I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
