I hate your face
Plan B is the new Plan A
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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