She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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