I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
