Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
