Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
