Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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