I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
