let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
