eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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