Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
