Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
