Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
