I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
