i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
