Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
