Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
