y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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