I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
