i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
