I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You made out with two different species that night
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
