Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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