my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
