it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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