Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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