windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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