she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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