Pappa wants mamma naked
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
