Please don't use social media to get back at me.
high people should be assigned attendants
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
