Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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