Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
