you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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