you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
