I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
