if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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