neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
