Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Drunk is not a location!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
