even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
