So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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