I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
