just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
