Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
