Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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