I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
