Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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