i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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