So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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